Mum suspects adorable two-year-old son will grow up into total w*nker

WITH Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds now properly moved in to Downing Street, the couple reveal how they spend charming Tory evenings together.

Definitely not having blazing rows 

Boris: Every moment Carrie and I spend together is wonderfully calm and tranquil, often consisting of just gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes for hours on end. And I wouldn’t say that unless it was true. 

Carrie: Yes. Our recent screaming altercation was actually a rehearsal for our am dram group’s production of a play called The Shouty People.

Japes

Boris: Downing Street is perfect for wizard japes – sliding down hallways in your socks, jumping on the beds, hiding in the attic. It takes me right back to Eton, not that I ever left. And you should see the cabinet room – I’ve turned it into a ‘boys only’ den with the secret password ‘Winston’.

Carrie: Yes, it really doesn’t p*ss me off being a professional woman and having to slide down the stairs on a tray every night.

Being evil Tories 

Boris: With my clownish image and Carrie being a modern young woman it’s easy to forget we’re still horrible Tories. Last night we had a lovely chat about how to cut taxes for our chums and reintroduce the idea of poorhouses in a palatable way. 

Carrie: Oiky types without jobs could live in a big sort of factory and make tea towels with the Queen on. You could visit them in one of those jolly hi-vis vests and a helmet. It’s a great PR opportunity.

Romantic dinners

Boris: What could be more romantic than a candlelit dinner, possibly with Dominic Cummings present, a good Winston Churchill documentary, then off to bed for a spot of rumpo?

Carrie: What indeed?